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INTERN Hired

So, you probably don’t remember (mostly because pretty much everything we say on this blog isn’t really that important for you to actually pay attention to AND/OR it was several dozen booze benders ago), but last year we ran a post seeking an intern……mostly as a joke.  CLICKY CLICKY -> Job Posting

Surprisingly enough there were a number of responses – mostly from people seeking to do the same thing Dan and I are seeking…..internet fame and acting like tough guys hiding behind the keyboard.

After careful review and a thorough’ish interview process we’ve selected a candidate!  You’ll see content from him beginning on Monday.  For your enjoyment, here’s the application and interview:

Dear sir or madam or sir-madam,

I feel fully qualified for the Michiganfly Intern position and am excited about the possibility of joining your highly skilled (if not ‘unconventional) team. Please consider the follow qualifications that I feel make me a great fit for the job and make up for the fact I only possess one and a half of the desired qualifications:

1. I am still pretty terrible at casting a traditional fly line (but don’t try to front on my chuck n’ duck toss brah) so any cast remotely better than noob level will inspire awe in me every time.

2. I have a truck and access to copious amounts of beer stores as well as an underground hook-up for some mystical Wisconsin beer that I was into before odd microbrews were cool…

3. I have been employed at a state funded University for 10 years where I work closely with college student employees. I know all the “in” variations of “bro” linguistics.

4. I’m very tall and already have vast amounts of experience retrieving flies stuck in all forms of vegetation. I was bullied a lot in my youth as well, so taking blame for other people’s mistakes will be an easy transition.

5. One time, I rowed a boat, like 600 yards up stream and guys at camp said things like “wow, you are crazy…why did you even do that?” and “you know, you could have just walked down the shore to get to your blind and not scared the deer as much”. It was pretty cool.

6. I have ADHD and am a notorious over exaggerator….plus every single fish I have seen in a river induces a sort of excited panic that usually causes my voice to double in volume and sometimes I jump around. And then I have to tell everyone I know about it including random strangers. And because my memory is so poor, I usually have to just fabricate things to fill in the blanks of the story….why not make them more awesome right?

7. I can’t figure out how to keep my iPhone from ripping off a good ten pictures in a row every time I take a picture. I’ll just move around so it’s of different angles. Plus, my student employee’s are awesome with Instagram and Photoshop….they’ll make the pictures awesome or I’ll take their meal plans away from them or ban their Internet access.

8. For 8 years, I have kept my wife from having any clue about my expensive obsession with fly fishing, firearms and video games. She also thinks I’m super busy at work all the time and not sitting here watching eleventy different youtube videos on how to tie different variations of wooly buggers.

9. I have been a walk-in fisherman my whole career. I know the best means to procure spots on the PM during peak salmon season times. I have been called a “dirty bastard” for consistently taking the best hole on fishermens trail and will ruthlessly stare down anyone attempting to shoulder in on my spot even if it can support more anglers. I also am REALLY out of shape, so some wind sprints down the river bank in waders will do me some good.

I may want to negotiate compensation a bit….but I hope you find my above qualifications ample reason to choose me as your new Intern. Feel free to contact me for an interview at your earliest convenience. If you can’t reach me, I can usually be found at Bass Pro arguing with the White River fly shop guys about how stupid high their prices are and how it’s garbage all the good sales are for hardware guys.

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

By far the most impressive list of qualifications we have yet to see. You have put together quite a career thus far. Maybe at this point some pre-screening quesitons are in order:
1. What’s the deepest that you’ve ever waded?
2. Oprah, Barbara Walters, and Cher – you’ve got to sleep with one, kill one, and marry one -what say you?
3. Are uplocking or down locking reel seats superior?
4. How many convictions or pending convictions are currently on your record?
5. Are kittens acceptable forms of chum for musky?

ANSWERS:

Thank you for your reply and I’m grateful you can appreciate my diverse skill set. Your questions hint at your desire for a serious fly fishing intern so I will do my best to give you my honest assessment of inquiry:

1. That’s what she said right?…if you recall in my previous application, I am quite tall, to the point that I am frequently asked “how’s the weather up there” and “do you play basketball”. In junior high, I played second string in a “you aren’t good enough to play on the school team but you can pretend with us” league. Even had a mascot that mimicked our school team. So you should know the answer to that last question is a definite NO. However it does give me the benefit of wading beyond the average angler’s safe depth. Also, if it is small mouth season, I would be willing to just straight up swim…think of the awesome under water shots of your fish. I’m pretty sure I read someplace the iPhone 5s is waterproof so we should be all set.

2. Marry Oprah for sure. I could finally fund my dream of opening my own pro shop in downtown Rochester Hills that specializes in stealing sales from Bass Pro and guiding on the Clinton River (ie eating donuts at Yates and drinking beer at Coyote Jacks while the wait staff is forced to dance on the bar). The obvious choice for kissy face touchy butt is Sher right? But she is an out spoken PETA member whom I’m assuming is vehemently against any form of fishing and I can’t give any sweet skinny white guy lovin’ to someone who looks down on my religion. So, I’ll finish what Sonny started there. And Barbara had all sorts of side action in her career….bet it wasn’t for her news reporting prowess #doyouknowwhatimsaying?

3. Wow…why don’t we go over to yahoo questions and ask if fly fishing is a superior way to fish vs spinning gear? Or post a question on a fly fishing blog whether it is ethical or not to bead fish? (see what I did there). I would say there is no clear cut answer to this question as it is based 1. on how and what you are fishing for and 2. the amount of desire you have to be perceived as a hipster fisherman or not. I usually say that uplockers are for people who care about big fish and downlockers are for guys that are aware there are rods smaller than a 6wt or use a bait caster.

4. My sketchy ass uncle said it best, “if the glove don’t fit, you must acquit!”

5. I mean, if it is acceptable for musky fly tying professionals to tie imitation baby ducks, why not floating cat parts? It is also widely known that cats are pure evil so I feel comfortable in their ability to fend off a silly musky long enough for someone to catch the fish on a fly rod. Dogs rule, cats drool!

Thank you again for your consideration!

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