Big Box Outdoor Store Discovers Fly Fishing Retail Operations
Corvela’s, the outdoor retail giant, reported this week that fly retail operations have been discovered within one of their big box stores. During a tour of new store number 758, Corvela’s executives encountered what they believed to be an attempt to sell fly fishing goods. Upon further investigation and after many hours of discussion with store employees, Corvela’s released a statement that unsanctioned fly fishing retail sales have indeed been attempted at one or more of their locations and that corporate personnel plan to further investigate the matter. The initial discovery was made when executives, after becoming lost and disoriented while looking for the men’s room, discovered a back area of the store with a surly old man behind a display counter full of utterly useless fly gear for that region of the country.
“We honestly thought he was hiding in the store until closing so he could steal stuff” noted Perry Feldman, Corvela’s Midwest Regional Sales Manager. “He barred his teeth at us, muttered something under his breath, and went back to chewing on his nails” noted Feldman. Questioning of the Corvela’s impostor revealed that he had absolutely no knowledge, or interest for that matter, with regard to fly fishing. Apparently, people believed everything he said so he just kept peddling gear. Corvela’s execs allowed him to finish his shift, monitoring his activities out of apparent curiosity, in which he sold a 3wt rod to a new steelhead enthusiast and took a four hour break / nap at his display counter.
“To be honest, we’re terrified that this may be happening at our other stores”, noted Feldman. “If left to their own devices, cretins like this guy could destroy the entire Corvela’s brand”. One day after our interview with Mr. Feldman, store 758 was closed due to water damage. Unconfirmed reports from store security personnel indicate that the the fraudulent fly shop employee broke back into the store and somehow shattered their 20,000 gallon freshwater fish tank. Until Corvela’s gets a handle on these illegitimate operations, patrons are cautioned against taking fly fishing advice or purchasing such goods from their stores.