Peak Beard Approaches
Experts all agree that 2015 will be the apogee of facial hair on Michigan waters. The anticipated decline in beard fanaticism is, in part, due to anglers being unable to identify each other. “Everybody out here looks like we stepped out of a Simms catalogue and when you disguise us with beards it really gets confusing” stated Jim Swarthout, a resident of Baldwin and fellow beard brah. Swarthout related how he waited for two hours at Green Cottage on the PM last fall for his friend Dale to show only to find out he was standing 10 feet away from his newly bearded bud.
In an extreme example, Gale Flemming, a card carrying NRA member, stealthed into her living room last July around 4 am, drew her .38, and cracked off three warning shots at what she thought was a homeless man making a sandwich. It turned out it was just her bearded husband returning from a hex outing.
Job loss among beard brah’s was unsurprisingly high from 2012-2014 as employers grew increasingly tired of looking at the ironically huge beards adorned by many of their employees. This resulted in an interesting phase of freedom as beard brah’s collecting unemployment took to the rivers. With benefits winding to an end there is speculation that many will shed their beards and get back to the grind.
It may be too soon to tell whether the beard bubble is about to burst. Will experts will be proven right or will the beard phenomena get a second wind? Only time will tell.