Battle of the Invasive Species

Buckle up for the freshwater throwdown of the Century.  With recent news of yet even more Asian carp DNA found in water sampled from rivers connected to Lake Michigan, MDNR has decided to take action.

They look harmless - but are not.

They look harmless – but are not.


The agency is said have over a million adult snakeheads in rearing lagoons at several undisclosed locations as a last ditch effort in the war against Asian carp.  What is being referenced as operation “Sumo Takedown” involves the aerial deployment of up to ten thousand snakeheads at a time from helicopters.  Snakeheads, which are known to breathe out of water up to seven days and cross land between waterbodies, are apparently quite fond of eating Asian Carp.

SnakeheadMDNR spokesperson Alan Stanwick gave a statement this week in which he noted “an adult snakehead can eat Asian carp faster than Kobayashi knocking down hot dogs at Coney Island”.  Stanwick went on to describe that MDNR believes the snakeheads will essentially eat themselves to death, or at least that’s what they hope.

“The sight of these things falling from the sky will be terrifying but kinda awesome” said Manistee resident Dale Gross.  Residents appear split about the tactic with some backing the plan while others are looking to relocate further inland.

When pressed as to what the plan will be in the event snakeheads overpopulate the Great Lakes, Stanwick stated that the agency is presently rearing tiger fish to deal with the snakeheads, nile crocodiles to handle the tiger fish, giant catfish to eat the crocodiles, and lastly freshwater sharks with lasers to kill everything.

Tues bananas



One response

  1. Fish_Against_The_Machine

    Then convince all those “fips” and “fops” (f’n ohio/Indiana-Illinois people) to buy an expensive out of state license and fish the heck outta them sharks with lazers, then we can go back to normal!


    January 20, 2015 at 12:12 pm

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