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Michigan Fly is Hiring!

1

Has it been your lifelong dream to someday become a “big deal” in the fly fishing industry?  Have you watched “A River Runs Through It” more than 34 times and still cry every single time because if that damned Paul could have just calmed himself down he’d still be kicking it on a trout stream with Norman?  Do you own at least 3 different flat brimmed hats?   If the answer is yes to any of these – Michiganfly.com has a great opportunity for you!

1 year ago Michiganfly.com was spawned out of a drunken and cabin fever fueled rage being experienced by 2 fat, lazy, slightly below average fly fisherman.  The blog was introduced to the interwebs as a means to combat the winter doldrums and to make us seem way cooler to the outside world than we really are.  Through the calendar year of 2014 Michiganfly.com gained a loyal following of at least 7 people (most of them were Nigerian fly tiers), in 2015 we are poised to at least double our readership.

To assist Michiganfly.com in this aggressive and substantial 100% growth (an extremely significant growth rate to all you potential investors out there) it’s come time for us to add an intern to our highly unproductive team.

As a Michiganfly Intern your primary responsibilities will be:

  • Follow Dan and Bob around on the river and excitedly exclaim “NICE CAST!” every single time a cast is made, even if the cast sucked.
  • Pack an entire large Simms backpack full of high quality beer (that you bought) and tote it around the river for Dan and Bob to enjoy.
  • Keep up to date and promptly alert Dan and Bob on recent trends in the usage of the word “bro”, “brah”, “bromigo”, “bruh bruh”, “bromo”, “broski”, “broseph”, “Han Brolo”, “Bro Montana”, “Bromosapien”, “Brorack Bromama”, and “Brofessor”
  • When Dan or Bob errantly launch their bug 30’ into a tree – you will apologize to them, and claim responsibility – then retrieve the fly by any means possible.
  • All time rower. It’s awesome – think about it like being the “all time QB” in backyard football. You weren’t bitching about that, were you?
  • Every single time a fish is lost during battle you will proclaim it either “giant”, “huge”, or “enormous”, and claim very publically to everyone for at least 8 days that “it was the most EPIC thing you’ve ever seen in your entire life”
  • You will take at least 76 photos of every single fish that is caught, playing with the angles and poses – so that it looks like multiple fish were actually caught and they can be posted on social media networks randomly, increasing Dan and Bob’s street cred with the fly fishing community
  • Assist in the creation of ‘cover stories’ for Dan and Bob to provide to wives, family members, and bosses – generating increased time for fishing and less time doing stupid stuff.
  • Run spot to spot during peak steelhead season and loudly proclaim “DIBS!” and guard it from other anglers until Bob and Dan arrive

Minimum Qualifications for the role of Michiganfly Intern are:

  • Ability to flat out lie to everyone except Dan and Bob – we are talking like CIA undercover ops style cover stories and lies here
  • Must be able to read water, row a boat, quickly identify which bugs fish are feeding on, tie flies, and open beers 2 at a time.
  • Possesses top of the line, high end camera equipment and has an adequate knowledge of which poses make fish look as big as possible.
  • Pro staff for at least 3 major manufacturers of fly fishing equipment, and the willingness to “hook us up with the bro discount”
  • Strong social media presence
  • Ability to take on the physical appearance of Dan or Bob (not at the same time), in order to fill in at functions (family or work), freeing time for co-founders to fish

Basically we are looking for a Sherpa to do all the crap we don’t want to do and assist us in establishing a higher level of street cred.

Compensation and Pay:

You will be well rewarded for your efforts as an Intern at Michiganfly with left over flies that are tied so poorly they are no longer worthy of a spot in Dan or Bob’s fly boxes.  Also, you will be rewarded with whatever amount of Fireball is leftover from the day’s consumption.  In addition, you will be graced with listening to Dan’s remake of the song “Black Betty” which is aptly titled “Black Bugger.”  You can also have all of Bob’s past copies of the Drake Mag – it is missing all the page 6 chicks features though.

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9 responses

  1. Fish_Against_The_Machine

    Sounds like a pretty sweet gig, I’ll run it past the wife.

    Like

    January 15, 2015 at 11:00 am

    • Its best that we go ahead and leave the wives out of this.

      Like

      January 15, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      • Atomic Tree

        Dear sir or madam or sir-madam,

        I feel fully qualified for the Michiganfly Intern position and am excited about the possibility of joining your highly skilled (if not ‘unconventional) team. Please consider the follow qualifications that I feel make me a great fit for the job and make up for the fact I only possess one and a half of the desired qualifications:

        1. I am still pretty terrible at casting a traditional fly line (but don’t try to front on my chuck n’ duck toss brah) so any cast remotely better than noob level will inspire awe in me every time.

        2. I have a truck and access to copious amounts of beer stores as well as an underground hook-up for some mystical Wisconsin beer that I was into before odd microbrews were cool…

        3. I have been employed at a state funded University for 10 years where I work closely with college student employees. I know all the “in” variations of “bro” linguistics.

        4. I’m very tall and already have vast amounts of experience retrieving flies stuck in all forms of vegetation. I was bullied a lot in my youth as well, so taking blame for other people’s mistakes will be an easy transition.

        5. One time, I rowed a boat, like 600 yards up stream and guys at camp said things like “wow, you are crazy…why did you even do that?” and “you know, you could have just walked down the shore to get to your blind and not scared the deer as much”. It was pretty cool.

        6. I have ADHD and am a notorious over exaggerator….plus every single fish I have seen in a river induces a sort of excited panic that usually causes my voice to double in volume and sometimes I jump around. And then I have to tell everyone I know about it including random strangers. And because my memory is so poor, I usually have to just fabricate things to fill in the blanks of the story….why not make them more awesome right?

        7. I can’t figure out how to keep my iPhone from ripping off a good ten pictures in a row every time I take a picture. I’ll just move around so it’s of different angles. Plus, my student employee’s are awesome with Instagram and Photoshop….they’ll make the pictures awesome or I’ll take their meal plans away from them or ban their Internet access.

        8. For 8 years, I have kept my wife from having any clue about my expensive obsession with fly fishing, firearms and video games. She also thinks I’m super busy at work all the time and not sitting here watching eleventy different youtube videos on how to tie different variations of wooly buggers.

        9. I have been a walk-in fisherman my whole career. I know the best means to procure spots on the PM during peak salmon season times. I have been called a “dirty bastard” for consistently taking the best hole on fishermens trail and will ruthlessly stare down anyone attempting to shoulder in on my spot even if it can support more anglers. I also am REALLY out of shape, so some wind sprints down the river bank in waders will do me some good.

        I may want to negotiate compensation a bit….but I hope you find my above qualifications ample reason to choose me as your new Intern. Feel free to contact me for an interview at your earliest convenience. If you can’t reach me, I can usually be found at Bass Pro arguing with the White River fly shop guys about how stupid high their prices are and how it’s garbage all the good sales are for hardware guys.

        Like

        January 15, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      • By far the most impressive list of qualifications we have yet to see. You have put together quite a career thus far. Maybe at this point some pre-screening quesitons are in order:
        1. What’s the deepest that you’ve ever waded?
        2. Oprah, Barbara Walters, and Cher – you’ve got to sleep with one, kill one, and marry one -what say you?
        3. Are uplocking or down locking reel seats superior?
        4. How many convictions or pending convictions are currently on your record?
        5. Are kittens acceptable forms of chum for musky?

        Like

        January 15, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      • Atomic Tree

        Thank you for your reply and I’m grateful you can appreciate my diverse skill set. Your questions hint at your desire for a serious fly fishing intern so I will do my best to give you my honest assessment of inquiry:

        1. That’s what she said right?…if you recall in my previous application, I am quite tall, to the point that I am frequently asked “how’s the weather up there” and “do you play basketball”. In junior high, I played second string in a “you aren’t good enough to play on the school team but you can pretend with us” league. Even had a mascot that mimicked our school team. So you should know the answer to that last question is a definite NO. However it does give me the benefit of wading beyond the average angler’s safe depth. Also, if it is small mouth season, I would be willing to just straight up swim…think of the awesome under water shots of your fish. I’m pretty sure I read someplace the iPhone 5s is waterproof so we should be all set.

        2. Marry Oprah for sure. I could finally fund my dream of opening my own pro shop in downtown Rochester Hills that specializes in stealing sales from Bass Pro and guiding on the Clinton River (ie eating donuts at Yates and drinking beer at Coyote Jacks while the wait staff is forced to dance on the bar). The obvious choice for kissy face touchy butt is Sher right? But she is an out spoken PETA member whom I’m assuming is vehemently against any form of fishing and I can’t give any sweet skinny white guy lovin’ to someone who looks down on my religion. So, I’ll finish what Sonny started there. And Barbara had all sorts of side action in her career….bet it wasn’t for her news reporting prowess #doyouknowwhatimsaying?

        3. Wow…why don’t we go over to yahoo questions and ask if fly fishing is a superior way to fish vs spinning gear? Or post a question on a fly fishing blog whether it is ethical or not to bead fish? (see what I did there). I would say there is no clear cut answer to this question as it is based 1. on how and what you are fishing for and 2. the amount of desire you have to be perceived as a hipster fisherman or not. I usually say that uplockers are for people who care about big fish and downlockers are for guys that are aware there are rods smaller than a 6wt or use a bait caster.

        4. My sketchy ass uncle said it best, “if the glove don’t fit, you must acquit!”

        5. I mean, if it is acceptable for musky fly tying professionals to tie imitation baby ducks, why not floating cat parts? It is also widely known that cats are pure evil so I feel comfortable in their ability to fend off a silly musky long enough for someone to catch the fish on a fly rod. Dogs rule, cats drool!

        Thank you again for your consideration!

        Like

        January 15, 2015 at 4:22 pm

  2. Michael Downey

    Do not have camera gear? Does that out me from this?

    Like

    January 15, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    • Michael – while it won’t necessarily disqualify you from the role, I’d suggest that you really practice with one of those disposable cameras. Also, you’d have to bring something else to the table, some suggestions: ability to make your own beef jerky, knowledge of 54 different knots, willingness to spend an entire day on the bank untangling line, or you can build a raging fire using a magnifying glass dried out trail mix.

      Like

      January 15, 2015 at 2:59 pm

  3. Matt Barthels

    If you hire me I will bring only the finest of beers (Milwaukee’s Best Ice) and a half gallon of fireball on every trip. I’ll have no problem rowing after finishing those since i’ll be too drunk to cast. This is my final offer. Take it or leave it.

    Like

    January 15, 2015 at 6:05 pm

  4. Pingback: INTERN Hired |

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