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Muskegon River has become the latest victim of corporate sponsorship.

Tues bananas

Newaygo, MI – The Muskegon River has become the latest victim of corporate sponsorship.  In an unprecedented move, Goodyear has purchased the naming rights to the tire hole and we have been informed that piano rock is now owned by Baldwin Piano Company.  It is also rumored that the naming rights for all boat launches from Croton Dam to Anderson Flats will be auctioned in the parking lot of Plumbs Grocery Store in Newaygo on the first of April this year.

Could the name of Pine Street launch be threatened?

Could the name of Pine Street launch be threatened?

“When we heard a rumor that Ex-lax approached dam representatives, in a deal that never solidified, we realized there was a market for this” stated Gabe Simpson, a local resident.  Simpson hinted that deals may be pending for boat house riffle and the cabin hole which is rumored to be named by New Holland Brewery.  When asked about possible naming rights for mafia house, owner Pauly G stated “don’t worry about it”.  Sources have also hinted that a Red Lobster mega screen is planned for Gaza Strip and Jets Pizza is researching a “float through” restaurant at an undisclosed location on the river.  Newaygo resident are left scratching their heads as to what is to come from this wave of corporate branding that’s hit their small community.

Could the historic Croton Dam be renamed?

Could the historic Croton Dam be renamed?

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