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Unpopular Fishing Blog Announces 7 Month Vacation
Likening the task of pushing out two or three posts each week to repeatedly placing a man on the moon, wildly unpopular bolggers at Michiganfly announced today that they will be taking 7, maybe 8 months off to recuperate, fish, and try desperately to catch up on American Idol before the series finale.
Just when site traffic finally began to surpass most pre-2012 inactive DIY project blogs, the guys predictably decided to “take a bunch of time off before people’s expectations get way out of whack” according to Michiganfly’s Chief Rocka.
Response from their tragically low readership has been mixed.
“It’s obvious they’ve been coasting the past few weeks and to be honest, I don’t think I could bear to see what they’d post if they were to try even less” commented Rich Youngstein.
“Avoiding work is pretty much what they do best so it’s no surprise they’ve decided to take a 28 week vacation” commented Ryan “Pulled Pork” Riggins.
Unsurprisingly, many appreciate the break.
“I just wish I could get back the four or five hours that blog sucked from my life this past winter” commented Cole Beardsley.
When asked if actually planning to return later in 2016, Bob and Dan commented that they’ve been thinking of opening a mall kiosk selling replica designer sunglasses and motorized scooters with all the click-through proceeds from their site. If for some reason that fails you can expect to see them back at it this fall.
Fly Tier Accused of Being a Adult Video Addict
Everyone knows that your Internet browsing history can be awfully incriminating if brought to the public eye. However one man feels he was unjustly dragged into a domestic argument with his wife over the contents of his Firefox history and bookmarks folder. The man is a well known fly fisherman in his social group and an avid fly tier. He prides himself with his ability to tie some of the sports most exotic and complex streamer patterns that often have equally exotic and complex names. However it is these suggestive names that have landed him in the hot seat with his wife.
“So, I just HAPPENED to stumble into his browsing history looking to install an extension or whatever and the list of YouTube videos and websites I saw just disgusted me” says his wife. “He claims they are instructional videos for the flies he ties, but I wasn’t born yesterday. He clearly has a porn addiction. I heard about this on Dr. Phil!”
The man claims that it is all a misunderstanding and that he has just been working on developing his skills tying various streamer patterns that are known to be top trout producers. When we inquired about what patterns lead to this dispute, the following list was provided:
Even with links, that list seems sketchy. But a trip to a local fly shop confirms these gaudy globs of feathers and synthetics toting sexy names are in fact real streamers that SUPPOSEDLY catch fish. After our interview, we’ve been unable to contact the man as his wife informs us he is in therapy. Which leads us to the question; are pro-fly tiers just having fun when naming their creations? Or are they a cover for the online pornography industry and creating a new breed of porn addicted sportsmen? We may never know….
Brah’s Annual Steelhead Weekend
Preparing for the annual weekend of “hot steelhead action” with Sam, his high school best friend, Dale Unger has a pretty good idea what to expect. Sam, a tantrum-prone 35-year-old, predictably goes through the same rituals starting with a healthy dose of pre-trip boasting about all of his new gear, secret bugs, and YouTube prep for an average of 12 weeks prior to the outing culminating in the purchase of a top shelf rod, reel, or waders, typically a brand name he’s spent years criticizing. About one week out Sam’s focus and attention is directed to heavy internet analysis with hourly USGS updates, Facebook puffing, and sarcastic forwarding of fishless outing reports from acquaintances with taglines like “not gonna be us pal”.
Knowing the impending events about to unfold, Dale endures Phases 1 and 2 like a pro realizing that this, by far, will be the most joy Sam will feel during the entire experience. Phase 3 starts in the parking lot where they meet Saturday morning when, while gearing up, Sam begins laying out a carefully orchestrated series of handicaps and disadvantages for use at some appropriate moment during the day. In a futile attempt to lower the odds of a meltdown, Dale often gives Sam’s gear a quick once over for obvious flaws.
During the walk in, Sam treats Dale to stories of his many successful outings in this river, often recounting events that Dale is pretty sure never involved Sam. Tuning out Sam’s tall tales, Dale recounts some of the more memorable blowups, fondly recalling the 2013 event when Sam spent 45 minutes fighting a “monster chromer” that turned out to be a despondent turtle. In 2014 it happened when Dale hooked and landed a large buck in water Sam had fished for over an hour. 2015’s meltdown resulted from Sam ripping a hole in his waders trying to step over a low barbed wire fence and snapping Sam’s brand new Sage 8wt that he’d nicknamed Excalibur.
Desperately trying not to trigger Sam’s impending hysterics, Dale fishes secondary water two bends down from his pal. After about an hour and when some of Sam’s gear begins floating by, Dale knows his buddy is upstream going ape shit. Thankful for not having to witness this years meltdown, Dale quietly gathers his gear and prepares to call it a trip.
Reflecting on the galactic disconnect between Sam’s expectations and reality, Unger notes that it would probably help if Sam got out and fished on some of the 363 days between outings.
Man Ticketed for Indecent Exposure on Popular Michigan River
Baldwin, MI – Northern Michigan resident Ryan Zeller has been known by his angling peers to employ creative means of warding other would be fisherman away from his secret fishing spots in the past. However, this winter his antics landed him in hot water with the local authorities and made a lasting impression on passing anglers.
Originally bantered about with his fishing partners over a night of consuming large amounts of Fireball and Boone’s Farm watching Babe Winkleman reruns in his basement, little did the others in the group know that Ryan would follow through on a devious plan that everyone wrote off as a joke. Friend Paul Sullivan, said with a still stunned expression plastered across his face, “you can’t do anything anymore without someone being offended, I guess this was just going to far.”
Tired of being encroached upon by other anglers, either letting their centerpin rigs drift through his run from 3 bends above or being “low-holed” by anglers seeking prime real estate on the Pere Marquette River, Ryan waited for the right opportunity to hatch his master plan to ward off intruders. With as many as 15 other anglers within Ryan’s line of site he casually pulled his buff down from under his nose, proudly displaying a hideous Fu Manchu facial hair configuration. All reports indicate that Ryan’s attempt at Hulk Hogan’ing people away from him drew a raucous laugh from the growing crowd.
But Zeller didn’t stop there. Like a scorned exotic dancer working at a backwoods gentleman’s club, he began tearing off every shred of clothing that adorned his torso, tossing the warming layers far onto the river bank. Zeller’s rage stripping concluded when he clumsily slid out of his neoprene waders revealing pair of pasty white legs and a pink banana hammock that appeared to be filled with a zucchini from last years garden.
Hearing the commotion from 2 bends above, MDNR agent Phil McCracken who was out investigating a Sasquatch sighting, had made his way down the bank just in time to see Ryan turn to the crowds and angrily gesture towards his man parts in a last ditch desperate attempt to scare them off. McCraken stated “I thought I was going to have to draw my gun, it appeared he had a sawed off shotgun in his speedo.”
McCraken issued Ryan a citation for indecent exposure and instructed him to dress and return to his vehicle.
Truck Driver and Fly Fishing Fashion Collide
The industry segment of the fashion world that serves up design and marketing to long haul truckers is considering a change in focus as a result of apparel trends in the fly fishing community. Industry spokespeople claim that fly fisherman are more and more emulating the traditional “trucker” look with their style. “Trucker” style mesh/foam hats, plaid shirts, puffy vests, comfortable pants and slip on shoes are all common sights at both local fly shops and trucker stops these days. As such, the textile industry is shifting focus to marketing products to the fishing industry.
However, this merger of styles has been causing some confusion in several social circles as the two groups are often mistaking each other for peers. A long haul trucker based out of the Grand Rapids area was recently quoted saying:
“I was at a gas station last week, saw a guy over at the instant latte machine who I assumed was a fellow trucker based on his appearance. Had the mesh back hat, fancy vest for holding sunglasses and road snacks, comfy pants and the all important crocs. But when I asked the fella what kind of rig he was running, he rambled on about a custom scandi butter stick rocking a hella aggressive front taper and mow leaders’. I figured he worked for some European trucking outfit until I saw him walk out and get in an early 2000s Toyota Tacoma with more stickers on it than should be legal. It was at that point I realized he was a into that whippity whip fly fishing and NOT a trucker. So confusing….”
Petitions by truck driver unions for a ban on companies producing fly fishing clothing that mimics their uniforms has thus far been ineffective but they vow to keep on fighting to protect their image. In the meantime, fly fisherpeople continue to take to the rivers looking exactly like truck drivers.
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TUESDAY BANANAS UPDATE
Tuesday Bananas is moving to Friday this week for a BANANARAMA SPECIAL. To hold you over here is a video of Sesame Street Performing the Warren G & Nate Dogg Classic “REGULATORS”
MARCH Video Recap
Here’s a quick edit recapping Michiganfly’s March (watch in 720 or 1080p for best experience):
Springing Into Action, PreSpawn Smallmouth Bass on the Fly
Today’s feature is from Kory Boozer, SW Michigan and Smallmouth guide extraordinaire. CLICK HERE to see more info about Kory and how to book a trip to elevate your Smallmouth game.
When fly fisherman think of Smallmouth Bass in Michigan, they think of hot Summer days spent tossing poppers at the rivers edge and while this is a great time of year to pursue Smallmouth Bass, it is far from the only time of year fly fisherman can enjoy chasing these river assassins.
While many anglers are still chasing Steelhead or Brown Trout on Michigan’s Rivers, Smallies begin to put on one of the biggest feeding binges of the year, typically once the water temps reach the mid to upper 40’s is when you will begin noticing a sharp increase in activity. They have yet to vacate their Winter holding lies and are still congregated in large groups which means if you find them you can typically catch a bunch of them. Look for fish to hold in deeper water in slack water areas, such as natural wing dams, sharp drop offs in the river bottom, eddies, etc… Any area that provides baitfish, slack current and deeper water with access to spawning habitat nearby while retaining access to food is the ticket.
The results of properly matching the fly to the most abundant forage.
As far as gear goes, this isn’t time to fish floating lines and light weight rods, I recommend Scientific Anglers Sonar lines in the 250-350 grain range depending on the rod you are using. Some days you simply need to get down deep and I will throw a 9 wt and 350 grain line. As the water warms fishing deeper water becomes less and less of a necessity though and for the most part 7 and 8 wt rods are all you need. When you fish weightless flies as I do a heavier line is necessary to get them down, lucky for us a good sized Smallie will fold a 7, 8 or even a 9 wt to the cork. You do not want to fish large streamers, even if you are targeting big fish, streamers roughly 3″ – 4″ in length are ideal to properly match the forage at that time of year. Fish them slow with short and fast strips to provoke reaction bites, some times very slowly swinging through an area with minimal action is ideal, others they want more action, this can vary by the hour so something you want to continuously play with to maximize your effectiveness.
Releasing a chunky pre-spawn Smallmouth Bass.
Fly choices are dictated by the most available forage where you are fishing. For example if Chubs, Suckers or Gobies are the dominate food source where you are fishing, you want to match the colors, size and flash these bait fish give off as closely as possible. If young Trout & Salmon or Shad are the most abundant food source in the area, then that is the type of forage you want to mimic. A flies effectiveness for Smallmouth Bass is measured by how much motion they provide without movement, how closely the color and flash matches the natural forage and how fast and cheap I can tie the fly in my opinion. I want a fly that swims without being stripped, matches the size, hue and flash of the naturals while being slightly transparent and one that I can tie reasonably fast. I also when possible want it to be cheap so I don’t mind losing them and will fish them like I stole `em so to speak. You can basically get away with 3 flies, a white/grey hue, an olive hue and a brown hue, which would do a good job of matching everything from Shad, Baby Bass, Sculpins, Gobies, Suckers, Shiners, etc… A pattern called the Bad Hair Day, developed by my Friend and Wisconsin fly fishing guide Dave Pinczkowski is a great starting point for flies emulating anything in the baitfish form. It utilizes craft fur which is cheap yet has amazing action in the water, various types of flash and wool or dubbing as a head. Simple, Cheap and Effective… Simply match the materials you are tying with to the forage you are imitating, and get started.
A group of Bad Hair Day streamers tied in various colors to suit a variety of conditions.
The pre-spawn bite will vary in duration, typically it takes place until water temps reach the mid to upper 50’s and the fish begin to spawn. Depending on weather and location, that can lead to a vastly different window of opportunity. If your into hard fighting fish and don’t like fishing around heavily pressured areas, early Spring Smallmouth Bass might be just the thing for you!
Kory Boozer – Boozer’s Guide Service – www.BoozersGuideService.com
FishBrah App Release Announced
Buckle up brahs, the much anticipated FishBrah app is set for release on May 1. This killer app is stacked with everything a brah needs to max their stream creds.
Brahs can tune up their streamside photo’s into epic shots. Can’t grow that bro beard – no problem. Forgot to sport that flat-brimmed hat today – gotcha covered. Didn’t want to bring your psycho dog in the boat but want him in your shots – can do. Want to spice up that shot with a flowing red cape – Done! Just drag and drop from their extensive menu of goatees, bro beards, muttonchops, gangsta lids, and superhero accutraments.
Right On Brah!
And it doesn’t stop there. FishBrah ensures that photo’s posted to social media sites will get proper billing. Want to kick off your post with 25 thumbs up – you’re covered. Are you tired of aunt Betty commenting about your “pretty fish” – now her posts just say “right on brah!” Are you done with those snarky comments like “that’s my favorite spot” or “I remember when I caught that fish” – they’re outta here. Protect your prized posts and be the hero you deserve to be.
FishBrah IS the must-have app for all troutbums and brah’s. Get yours May 1.
Upgraded versions of the Brah app will:
- Allow you to auto generate a photo slide show that plays bluegrass music while transitioning from photo to photo
- Post automatic comments to your buds social media updates – using phrases like: “so sweet”, “yup!”, “get some”, “rad”, “duuuude”, “boom”
- You will be able to swap out the fish in your picture with the hot trendy fish of the year, options include: musky, carp, pike, catfish, bluegill, taimen, and bluegill
*A small upcharge is applied for premium features.
